Daniel Skognes

Remember that quote from the Incredible Hulk?  It was a warning that they had better back off, or he was going to lose it.  His anger would literally transform him into a monster that was uncontrollable.  Have you ever known someone like this?  It is pretty scary to see someone totally in a rage, out of control. Hopefully this does not describe you.

When you see this happen to someone close to you, how do you feel?  Pretty helpless, right? You can’t reason with someone who is in a rage.  It has taken control of their mind and their body.  Sounds like this is a hopeless situation, doesn’t it?

Have you ever worked for a manager or been in a relationship with someone who was like this?  You had to walk on egg shells trying not to “set him or her off.”  You never knew when he or she would explode on you or the people around you.  Nobody wants to be at ground zero when the bomb goes off.  If you survive it, you will have to deal with the emotional and physical pain for years….and sometimes even a lifetime.

Words can cut us to our core. If we just realized the power of our words.  They either speak life, or they speak death.  Very simple.  It is one or the other.  When anger consumes us and we let it control us, then we should not be surprised at the death that results.  How many relationships, both personal and professional, have died because of uncontrolled anger?  How many people have been fired because they could not control their anger?  Too many to count.

Well, the good news is, there is always hope.  If this is a problem for you or for someone you know, there are steps you can take: If you literally can’t control yourself, seek professional help before you cross the line of no return.  Identify what triggers you.  If you know what is likely to set you off, avoid those situations.

Principle 1:  Don’t let other people control you.  That is what is happening in reality when we lose our cool.  We are letting someone else push our buttons and they have control over us.

Principle 2:  Remain calm when someone else is losing it.  A soft answer turns away wrath.  An argument can’t escalate if only one person is participating.

Principle 3:  Anger uncontrolled will destroy your relationships.  Put the value of relationship as a top priority.  Seek peace and understanding.  Anger demands it’s own way. Allow others to have a different opinion.  You are not always right and the world does not revolve around you.  If that makes you angry….sorry.  The truth hurts in that instance, but that does not change the truth.  Our differences don’t have to drive us over the edge.  Realize that either you will control your anger….or someone is going to control you.

Our jails are overflowing because the lack of self-control has become epidemic.  Learn to forgive yourself and forgive others.  Unforgiveness breeds anger.  You will never control your anger without learning to forgive.  My hope for you and your relationships is that you are the peacemaker.  You are the one that puts the relationship as a top priority.  You are the one that holds your tongue and refuses to lash out in anger.  My hope, in essence, is that you seek and know Shalom!

Dan Skognes

A lot has been said over the years about failing.  Failing has had a bad rap.  Failing is part of life.  Nobody succeeds all time.  In fact, if you are not failing, you are not living.  Life is a roller coaster.  There are ups and downs and sometimes you feel like you are just going to throw up from the ride.

But what if you could fail forward?  How in the world could you do that? What would it look like?

Principle 1. Forget the things of the past.  Focus on the here and now.  You can’t go forward looking in the rearview mirror.  Let go of the past and live each day as if it were your last because none of us know what tomorrow brings.

Principle 2. Just because you failed does not make you a failure.  There is a big difference between the two.  One is an activity, and one is the person.

Principle 3. You only become a failure if you refuse to get up and try again.  When you stumble, and you will, get up and take one step forward.

Principle 4.  Have a clear goal. Identify your “why.”  Why are you doing what you do?  Is it to provide for your family, to retire rich, to be able to give to others, to pay off your debt?  Your “why” will give you incentive to get up and not stay down.  Remember your “why” when you have those days of asking yourself, “What the heck am I doing???”

Principle 5.  Failure is not fatal.  Put your failures in perspective.  Tomorrow is another day.

We have all failed a thousand times, and I have quit a thousand times (at least in my mind).  That does not matter if your priorities stay in focus and you force yourself to stay plugged in.  Do you think Abraham Lincoln was a failure?  Do you realize he got beat like a drum numerous times before he finally got elected?  Thomas Edison failed thousands of times before the lights finally came on.  You can probably think of a lot more, and maybe even some personal examples.

My hope for you is that you fail forward.  Allow yourself to learn from your mistakes, then shake the dust off of yourself, get up and move on.  Fail forward.  Success is within your grasp.  Never lose sight of that.

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

There was a movie some years ago that talked about this principle, and I think it has very deep and profound implications for all of us.  Paying it forward means that you do something for someone and instead of them paying you back, you ask them to pay it forward, i.e. bless someone else.

Perhaps you have heard of the term, “Random Acts of Kindness (RAK).”  This means doing something for someone that does not expect it and you expect nothing in return.  This is the essence of paying it forward.

Around Christmas time and Birthdays there seems to be a raft of RAKs.  As a small boy, I saw firsthand what a RAK can do.  It was my Mom’s birthday , and everyone in our family had bought presents for her, but we were not a wealthy family.  Typically, you got one present from each member of the family.  Since there were six of us, you had to get creative with your budget.  Six people and six birthdays to buy for. When you are a kid with no job, that is a real problem.

One year I decided that I was going to give Mom six presents instead of one.  Only problem was, I was a kid, and my allowance was not much.  I decided that I would do EXTRA chores (which I hated doing) to make money to do what I wanted to do.

I remember the reaction my Mom had that year.  My Mom passed away many years ago, but I will never forget her reaction.  There was this look of, “Wow.  Really? Thanks.”  These were not expensive gifts, ( a new spatula, some tongs for the kitchen, and some makeup…which I did not realize at the time was not her type),but I know that she saw that I had given beyond my means, and she appreciated that.  It was cool.  The tears that day were happy tears.

It was then that I realized that it really is more blessed to give than to receive.  What you get in return is intangible….a blessing.  But blessings have a funny way of turning into tangible things.  I have had people bless me from time to time in my life when I needed it the most.  They had no idea of how much that meant to me.  They literally sowed into my life what I needed most at the time.  Sometimes it was money, sometimes just a word of encouragement.   What goes around, comes around, as they say.

Have you experienced RAKs in your life?  Pay it forward.  Be a blessing.  Start with your family, then with your friends, and when you really want to get blessed perform a RAK on a stranger and watch what happens. When you give someone something without expecting anything in return, what you get back will exceed anything you can comprehend, and you just may save a life….literally.

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

I am not a proponent of breaking the law.  In fact, I try to abide by the law.  However, I am determined to break Murphy’s Law.  There are many of them, but the most famous one is, “If anything can go wrong, it will.”  I hate Murphy, and I hate his law.  I know that is not Christian.  I know, I know.  Forgive me God, but I hate Murphy.

I even came up with my OWN Murphy’s Law.  How sick is that?

My Murphy’s Law 1: You will always find the typo after you hit the send button. (Being a writher, this one kills me….OK, THAT typo was intentional for LOL).

My Murphy’s Law 2.  You will never see yourself as others see you.  (We all have blind spots that everyone else can see but us.)

My Murphy’s Law 3.  You will tend to forget the name of the person you just met. (I hate this one in particular).

My Murphy’s Law 4.  The person you just met will tend to remember YOUR name. (How embarrassing is that?  You just met them, they remember your name and you could not remember their name if they were Donald Trump!).

Did it jump out at you what they have in common?  All of Murphy’s Laws are negative.  When we agree with them, we invite that into our sub-conscious, and it becomes our reality.  It becomes our truth.

I have often found myself making statements like this, and I bet you have too:  “I remember his face, but I just can’t put a name with it.”  I just further bought in to the lie.  We have to stop lying to ourselves!

Break the law!  Just Murphy’s Law, OK?  I don’t want you telling your spouse or the cop who just pulled you over that Dan Skognes said it was OK for you to break the law.  Murphy’s Law is self-destructive.  Murphy’s Law destroys progress, creativity, even relationships.  Break Murphy’s Law.

Make this your pledge:

“I (say your name) solemnly swear to Break Murphy’s Law today.  I will no longer tell myself the lies that Murphy’s Law imposes, and will seek to expose them in others so they can be freed from the chains and pain that it inflicts as well.”

For me personally, here is my declaration of independence:

I WILL find my typos (by really proofing it…not glancing over it).

I AM going to see myself as others see me (that is because I am determined to be transparent and admit my strengths and my faults to myself and to others).

I WILL remember the name of the person I just met (because I am actually going to CARE who they ARE and LISTEN).

I am not going to have to be embarrassed AGAIN that a stranger I just met knows my name, and I did not care enough to listen to theirs.

What you tell yourself becomes your reality.  Speak truth and light into yourself and in to others. Murphy’s Law is one law that we need to break and continue to break. (I feel like such a rebel….LOL).

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

Have you ever played this game?  The blame game is pretty easy to play, and it comes naturally.  You learn it by observing your friends, your family, your neighbors, and even strangers.  But, if you really want to be good at it, you have to jump in and play yourself.

You can play it by yourself, or with others.  Here are the rules:

Rule 1.  Blame whatever or whoever you want.

Rule 2.  Don’t take personal responsibility for anything, and never ever say you are sorry.

Rule 3.  Blame others whenever possible, because it shames them at the same time and causes guilt.

Rule 4.  It does not make a difference if blame is irrational.  If it makes sense to you, that is all that matters.

Rule 5.  Blaming others or your circumstances can gain you sympathy.  Milk it.

Are you a master of the blame game?  I hope not, but if you are, here are some practical tips:

Tip 1.  Quit blaming others for what happens to you.  Sometimes it is nobody’s fault.  Poo-Poo happens, as they say.  It is part of life.  And by the way, everyone poo-poos.

Tip 2.  Taking responsibility for when you make mistakes makes you not just human, it shows you are growing up.  Kids have to be taught to take responsibility. If you are a child, that is understandable and forgivable.  If you are an adult, grow up, for Pete’s sake.

Tip 3.  Blaming people and circumstances deflects pain only temporarily.  If you are truly responsible for what happened, eventually the truth will come out and you will have to admit it.

So, are you ready to quit playing this game?  My hope is that you quit it and never play it again.  I would not blame you if you did.

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

Remember that slogan for a military recruiting ad? Is that how you feel about your job?  It is not really work to you…it totally lights you up and fuels your purpose in life.  No?  Well, there is good news and bad news.  The bad news is that most people on this planet are not in the right job, so for them….it IS work.  It is something to be dreaded.  It is a source of irritation and an obligation they have to keep to get a paycheck.

The good news is, you don’t have to live like that.  God has wired each of us with some unique gifts.  You may be thinking that your wires got crossed somewhere…and maybe they did.  There are circumstances that happen to us that are out of our control, but this too is something that you can adjust.

God did not give you special gifts to see them wasted or ignored.  I think one of the saddest things in life is for someone to go through their entire life and end up bitter, thinking to themselves (if not outloud) that they have wasted their life. They end up in the land of regret.  The “woulda, coulda, shouldas” make a tragic tombstone.

Principle 1.  If you have a job just to have a paycheck, make that as temporary as possible.  I understand that sometimes we might have to do something we are not called to do just to make ends meet…but don’t settle for that.  Don’t allow yourself to lose the wonder of living an adventure!

Principle 2.  If you have a job that is an adventure, use your gifts to give back to others.  You will find that when you are in “your zone,” meaning that you are totally alive and full of joy, peace, love, and hope, you will have the opportunity to help others.  Be the hand to lift someone that is struggling to find their adventure.

Principle 3.  Adventures are exciting, thrilling, rewarding, and spontaneous. Sounds a lot better than having to punch the clock, and wondering when you can take a pee break, right?  Seek the adventure instead of the paycheck.  Seek and you will find it.

My hope for you is that you find the adventure of your life.  When you do, your life will have the significance that you have been longing for, and impact the world.

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

There is nothing good about ruts. The longer you stay in them, the deeper they get.  We have all found ourselves at various times in our lives in a rut.  We are in a place that we don’t want to be, and sometimes it seems like it is never going to change.

Ruts are funny like that.  They can appear as insurmountable mountains.  They can have power over us if we allow them to, because it seems like they are never going to end.

Principle 1.  If you are in a rut, quit digging yourself in deeper.  You might have to get some help to get out of the rut, but quit doing what you are doing if it is keeping you down. If your marriage is in trouble, get counseling, if your job is in trouble, get coaching, if your life is in trouble, lose the pride and ask God for direction. After all, he made the map.

Principle 2.  Don’t blow ruts out of proportion.  Simply adjusting your direction can get you back on track, and that can happen quickly if you will just be intentional in what you want to do.

Principle 3.  Getting in a rut is uncomfortable and unnatural.  You feel strange about it.  Have you ever been on a bike and suddenly found yourself in a rut?  You can lose your balance and even crash if you don’t get out of it. Trust your instincts when you see yourself in a rut and get out of it as soon as possible. The longer you stay in it, the more likely you or those about you are going to need some medical attention.

Principle 4. Ruts are avoidable for the most part.  The path you are taking…is it smooth, or filled with ruts and potholes?  Observe the warning signs and take detours to get you where you need to be.

Principle 5.  Ruts don’t have any power over you unless you give it to them.  Don’t empower ruts.

Are you in a rut with your marriage, with your job, or in your outlook on life?  My hope for you is that you make the necessary adjustments, and start today.  The ruts will only get deeper and cause you and others a lot of unnecessary pain.  Here’s to smooth sailing.

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

We live in a world that loves superheroes.  Have you noticed how many movies lately feature someone with incredible powers?  Have you wondered why we are drawn to superheroes?

I think it is because deep inside us, we all have a desire to fly, to be faster than a speeding bullet, to be more powerful than a locomotive, to leap tall buildings in a single bound.  My chest is puffing out just saying this.  LOL.

When I met my wife many years ago, I told her I was going to call her Wonderwoman.  There were two reasons for me to call her that.  First, she was a widow.  When her husband died, he had no life insurance, so he left her with no financial resources.  He also left her with a business to run.  It was an extremely demanding business, both physically and emotionally.  She had incredible inner strength that I admired, so to me, she WAS Wonderwoman.

I told her the second reason I had to call her Wonderwoman was because I had to say to myself, “I WONDER what I ever did without this WOMAN.”  LOL.  She liked that one! That line is a keeper, don’t you think?

I may not have the powers of Superman, but here are a few things he taught me about life:

Principle 1.  Flying is a great way to travel.  I may have to still use a plane, but in my mind….and in my heart…I fly with wings of eagles.

Principle 2.  God has given each of us unique gifts.  Use them for good.  Serve others.  Take up for those less fortunate.

Principle 3.  A pair of glasses can change the way you see things, and the way people see you.  I used to wonder about the logic of that in the comics and on the TV show.  He simply took off his glasses, and became Superman.  Nobody recognized him with glasses.  And yet….we did not let that stop us from believing in him.  If you are having problems in life, try doing one of two things, put your glasses on and focus, or take them off and go to work.  If you need them for work, get bifocals.  LOL.

Principle 4.  If you are going to use your gifts, you have to go to work.  Yes, the four letter word.  By using your gifts in your work, you will find your destiny.

I hope you find the Wonderwoman or Superman you have been waiting for.  Chances are, if you are using your God-given gifts, they will find YOU.  Once you have found your Wonderwoman or Superman, don’t take them for granted.  Love them for the wonder that they truly are.

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

Many years ago when I was in college, I pledged a fraternity.  My frat brothers taught me a few things about being ALL IN.  The first lesson was in a poker game.  I was raised Baptist.  In fact, my dad was a preacher.  So needless to say, we did not play poker in our house.

My frat brothers invited me to play one day.  I was trying to get a handle on the rules and the strategy…but they kept taking my money.  All the time, they were smiling at me and telling me how to play.  I figured out pretty quickly that to be ALL IN when you are playing poker, you BETTER know what you are doing. My career in poker was short lived, probably because my face lit up like a glowing billboard when I got a good hand. LOL.

The other thing they taught me was about being committed when you start something.  When you pledge a frat, you go through some tasks and trials to see how bad you want it.  It is meant to weed out the wannabes and keep the frat culture intact with like-minded brothers.  It also serves as a great way to totally humiliate someone and justify it. :o)

Looking back on some of the stuff I had to do, and some of the things I did to pledges, I wonder what in the world was I thinking?  The need to belong was so overwhelmingly strong that I was going to do whatever it took to get in.  I was totally focused and absolutely ALL IN.  I did get in and thoroughly enjoyed my four years of college.  I had the opportunity to serve the frat in several different capacities, including President my senior year.

Lessons my frat brothers taught me about being ALL IN:

Lesson 1.  If you believe in something enough to start it, finish it. This seems to be a lost art in this day and age.  People don’t commit to relationships, to jobs, to tasks, etc. If you are going to be in, be ALL IN.

Lesson 2.  There is strength and energy in being engaged with a group that is ALL IN. I loved being around the guys and doing service projects together and just hanging out with them.  I still love that today in my personal and professional relationships.  Being with like-minded people keeps me accountable and sharpens my skills.

Lesson 3.  Being ALL IN is a key to success.  Whether it be your relationships, your job, your life goals, whatever, if you are willing to be ALL IN, you can break world records and achieve the things that others only dream of.

Lesson 4.  Being ALL IN is not a single decision.  It requires commitment over time.  If you are going to be ALL IN, make the commitment to that level of energy and focus over a prolonged period.  Sustained focus and energy with time equals a higher likelihood of success.

Lesson 5.  If you are going to be ALL IN, make sure that it is worth the price you are going to pay.  Being ALL IN can take quite a toll in time and energy (not to mention money), so make sure that what you are committing to is worth it.  If it is, go for it.  Jump in the deep end.  There are two ways to learn to swim.  One is easing yourself into the shallow end of the pool and learning the strokes and then slowly working your way to the deep end.  The other is to jump in the deep end and paddle like crazy.  The down side to the latter is that you could drown!  So, learn the strokes, THEN jump in the deep end.

Is there something that is keeping you back from being ALL IN?  Check your ALL IN meter in regards to the things that really matter to you.  Are you ALL IN with God?  With your spouse?  With your kids?  With your friends, your job, etc. etc.?  If it is truly important to you, dive in the deep end.  Give everything you have to what you believe in, and you will reap the rewards of seeing your world changed for the positive.

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

I love my dogs.  They are more fun than most people I know.  They love us unconditionally, and they have the ability to get very excited over the little things in life…like taking a ride in the car.  You would think they had won the Dog Lotto and were getting Milk Bones for life.  They run around the room when we are getting ready to go, and are so excited I can hardly get their collars on.  It is hilarious to watch them.

We try to take them to the dog park regularly because they love the journey and the destination.  They hang their heads out the window and just love the air in their face.  When we get to the park, the first thing they do is to greet all the other dogs.

They also have the uncanny ability to sleep most of the day.  Apparently, they need that much rest, but I marvel at their ability to just lay down any time and any place and fall asleep.

Lessons I have learned from my dogs:

Lesson 1.  Love unconditionally.  Express your love to others every time you see them and express it with your whole heart, expecting nothing in return.

Lesson 2.  Take joy in the little blessings in life that come your way.  I am not saying to stick your head out the window if you are driving, but if you are the passenger…go for it.

Lesson 3.  Take joy in meeting new people and seeing old friends.  There is vitality and life in community.  Give to it and you will receive from it.

Lesson 4.  Enjoy the journey AND the destination.  Count your blessings along the way.  You have a lot to be thankful for.

Lesson 5.  I don’t want to advise you to sleep all day.  We don’t need to rest that much, but we do need to learn to relax and get the rest we need….any time, any place.  Naps are your friend.

There is a reason that dogs are called Man’s Best Friend.  They will stick by you when everyone else has abandoned you.  Love them and learn from them.  They are a wonderful gift that God has given to us to encourage us, to love us, and to teach us to love unconditionally.  After all, that is how God loves us.

Shalom!

Dan Skognes