Why People Can’t Be Transparent

Why People Cant Be Transparent dan skognes leadership consultant trainer coach motivation blogger speakerYou may be thinking to yourself, “Why do people NEED to be transparent?”  Fair enough. Good question.  People need to be transparent to be real.  I am not talking about people who have diarrhea of the mouth and feel the need to tell you everything that has ever happened to them.  I am talking about being honest with yourself and with others about who you really are.

Transparency is critical to having healthy relationships.  It is critical to building trust.  Seriously, can you trust someone who never admits a fault?  Probably not! But then it begs the question, “Why can’t people be transparent with one another?”

I think there are a number of factors here:

  • Fear that people will think less of them
  • Fear that they will lose control
  • Fear that they might be rejected
  • Fear that they will have to tell something that is very painful to re-live
  • Fear that they might offend others

It does not take a rocket scientist to see the common thread.  Fear is real and keeps people from being real with one another.  What is the cost of letting fear hold you back from being transparent?

  • You will have a hard time being truly intimate in relationships
  • People will suspect you are hiding something and therefore not trust you
  • Lack of transparency will cost you in relationships,  both personal and business
  • You will never discover the true magic of just being yourself
  • You will not get to benefit from the strength that comes from being vulnerable
  • Trying to hide who you really are is very stressful, and stress can kill you
  • You rob the world of knowing your heart….who you really are

We need real people….real husbands and wives….real leaders.  If we insist on wearing masks and posing then we are only fooling ourselves.  We can hide our emotions, but it will take a toll on everything and everyone we touch.  It is a very lonely road to walk for those who refuse to be real.

We can never fully live until we accept who we are, and then be willing to share that with the world. If you don’t like who you are, that is not fatal.  You can change the things you don’t like.  If you need help, seek professional help to come to grips with who you are.  We all have warts….just admit the ones you have.  You will come to realize that the problems you face are not so unique.


Dan Skognes

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