Sorry for the play on words, but it came to me today that a lot of people are suffering from an identity crisis. When we are born, we are given a name and raised in an environment not of our choosing. We did not choose our parents and we did not choose where we would be born.
Many of the homes today are single parent homes. That creates havoc on our identity because we are missing one of the foundations that we are supposed to learn from. Add to that the blended homes and that further confuses the situation because we now have a Mom or Dad that inherited the children, and they have to parent them. Not an easy task when you are talking about various temperaments and a variety of ages. Discipline is problematic because there is no bond and many times no respect.
How confusing is this for a child? Add to that, they may feel angry and guilty about the fact that their parent is single, or that they can’t seem to get along with the new spouse, or that the parents are just plain cruel to them. Wow. What a mess.
Every family has a knucklehead. If you don’t know who it is, look in the mirror. Everyone else knows who it is. LOL. The point is, every family is dysfunctional to a degree because we are all imperfect people trying to live with other imperfect people. We are carrying baggage that we have had since childhood, so we find ourselves doing the very things that we hated that were done to us. That is a pretty sick situation and will continue unless we break the cycle.
Add to this that women (in particular) feel a responsibility for their children to be happy. This is part of the nurturing that a woman has been gifted with. Of course, it is a parent’s responsibility to love and protect and provide for a child, but where it gets perverted is when shame and guilt are placed on the parent (usually the Mom) when the child is not happy. Happiness is circumstantial. It comes and it goes based on circumstances.
Good grief. Is there ANY HOPE for ANY of us??? Yes. Absolutely. Here are a few of the points I have learned along the road of life. Some I have experienced myself, and some I have observed second-hand.
Point 1. Joy, not happiness, is what we need. Joy lasts when we have Shalom. Perfect peace and joy go hand in hand. Joy is the expression and outgrowth of the peace that we can embrace when we are going through the trials of life.
Point 2. Everyone( including me and you) is wounded. We all carry wounds from childhood. Most of the time we mask it or refuse to admit that it is even part of us, but that does not make it go away. Unfortunately, the Father wounds seem to be the deepest and the hardest to heal. The good news is, they can be healed, but you have to acknowledge them before the process can begin. Forgiveness is the first step in healing.
Point 3. Our identity is incomplete if we never come to the understanding of who we are as a child of God. We are created in His image and have our identity in HIM. If we could just get that one point in our hearts and minds, it would change everything. The problem is when we don’t acknowledge God, or we try to have our own identity apart from Him. How many people have you known that try to get their identity from another person? They are always needy because no person can fill the void that only God can fill. We are born with an identity, but it gets pretty messed up along the way, even in the best of families. What we need is a Re-born Identity. When we are Re-born, we can put away the old self and become fully alive to be who we were created to be. That is accomplished in one way, Jesus. He is the one who makes us acceptable in God’s sight. This is a difficult thing to understand. There is nothing we have to DO. We just have to BELIEVE. We have to have FAITH in HIM, and ask HIM into our hearts. That is the miracle of God’s grace.
My hope is that you have this type of relationship with God….our Heavenly Father. He is the perfect Dad, by the way. He loves you and will always be there for you. Always. The question is, will you get to know your Heavenly Father? Will you trust Him? I pray that you do. We have enough dysfunctional people in this world already. Let’s agree to have a Re-born Identity. The other one does not work so well, does it?