Fully Present

OK, I am just going to say it: Men have a problem being fully present. I am not bashing men in any way. This is a tutorial for ladies to better understand men, and for men, it is a wake-up call. Win-win.

Life is distracting for all of us, but I think men are challenged when getting into the communication zone. Not all of them, for sure, but enough of them for ladies to be concerned.

Things to remember about men (in general):

  • We don’t multi-task very well. We tend to focus on the project at hand and get it done.
  • Men are problem solvers. We like to come up with solutions to problems. If you don’t want a solution, please don’t tell us about your problem. If you are just venting, please say so.
  • Men don’t have to be thinking about anything. We can be right there by your side and not thinking anything in particular. It is a gift.
  • Men have a better chance of being fully present if the TV, computer, and phone are turned off.
  • Places where men are guaranteed to be fully present: a sporting event, a get together with their male friends, or doing their hobby (whatever that is).
  • The term “selective hearing” came about back in the Garden of Eden when Eve asked Adam what she should do, and he was silent.

Being fully present requires us to focus, put away all distractions, and truly listen. In this age of constant interruption and noise, that can be difficult if not impossible.

For men, here is my advice:

  • You don’t have to change who you are, you just need to be fully present especially when your wife says, “We need to talk.”
  • If you want to earn some Brownie points with your wife, turn off all electronics and take your wife for a drive or go for a walk, then ask her about her day. Don’t say anything about your day…no matter how good or how bad it was. Your day does not matter at this point.
  • If something is wrong with your wife, ask her what it is. If she answers, “Nothing,” don’t believe it! Keep probing to find out what YOU did wrong.

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

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