Daniel Skognes

Woulda, coulda, shoulda. We have all succumbed to saying one of these from time to time. “I would have….” “I could have…” “I should have…” A few questions come to mind in regards to regrets:

1. If you could have changed something in the past, why didn’t you?

2. Did you learn the lesson? If not, why not?

3. Why don’t you change now? What is holding you back?

I think the reason that life is so hard on some people is they don’t ask those questions and they are unwilling to change. You can sigh and shrug it off with, “Que sera, sera…whatever will be will be.” The problem with that attitude is that it shirks self-responsibility and the outcomes will be far from positive.

Here are a few of my regrets:

• That I didn’t always follow the advice Mom and Dad gave me. It turns out they actually were pretty smart people. Parents actually know what they are talking about! Who knew?
• That I didn’t listen to the inner voice telling me, “Don’t do it!” I learned that lesson the hard way on more than one occasion.
• That I did not learn early in life that the secret of contentment is having a grateful heart. This caused me grief in many ways because of the constant striving to have more. Thankfully, I understand that now. I have learned to be truly thankful for what I have.
• That I hurt people I loved by saying or doing things that were selfish or insensitive. I am much better at not doing this now…probably because I have been humbled in the process and have seen the devastation that selfishness leaves.
• That I ever let fear hold me back. Fear is the enemy of our destiny.

The good news here is I don’t live there. I don’t beat myself up for the woulda, coulda, shouldas of my life. That is wasted time. It serves no purpose other than to torment myself. I can’t change it, so why keep reliving it? There were some lyrics to a song that went, “Every road I’ve taken lead to my regret.” Don’t let that be your epitaph.

If you are one of those people who beats yourself up over the past, then I hope you ask yourself the questions above. Life is too short to be lived in reverse. Start fresh today. Change your mind, your heart, your habits, and your attitude if you want to live your life without regrets.

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

Life is full of tests, and honestly, I am tired of taking them. Every time I turn around it seems like I am taking another test…but this blog is not about the tests we take. It is about the test we should have taken.

Think about it, we take tests for just about everything: driving, school, jobs, etc. What is the one thing that we DON’T take a test for that should be on the list? Marriage! There needs to be a mandatory marriage test that is required for everyone even considering marriage, and you have to score 100% to pass.

I broke down the test into two sections, one for men and one for women. I would suggest that you answer both sections yourself before going to the answers below. Let’s see how well you know the opposite sex and how well you know yourself.

Questions Men Have To Answer About Women:

1. When a woman says, “We need to talk.” What does she mean?
2. When a woman says, “I will be ready to go at 6 PM“ when will she start getting ready?
3. When a woman says, “I have nothing to wear” what does she mean?
4. What are the 3 things you should never ask a woman?
5. What is the 1 thing that every woman needs?

Questions Women Have To Answer About Men:

1. When you ask a man, “What are you thinking?” and he says, “Nothing,” what does that mean?
2. How many times should you remind him to do something?
3. You have some big news to share with your husband who just got home from work. When should you tell him?
4. What are the 3 things you should never ask a man?
5. What is the 1 thing that every man needs?

Ok, if you are already reading this, you are cheating. Go back and answer the questions on your own!

Validation: The answers to these questions have come from decades of experience, observation, and too many hard knocks to count.

Disclaimer: You will find that there are sometimes multiple answers to the questions, and your answers may or may not correspond with the ones below. That is because in most cases, it is not black or white. Depending upon your sex, age, experience, and how thick-headed you are, the answers could be quite diverse.

Answer Key For Questions About Women:

1. When a woman says “We need to talk,” she means you are toast. It is about to hit the fan, so it is best to take your beating like a man and then apologize regardless of whether you did anything wrong or not. Don’t interrupt her. Let her vent now or the volcano will just blow up later with greater intensity.
2. When will she start getting ready? When she wants to! It will probably be a two to three hour ordeal to bathe, fix her hair, do her makeup, and change clothes half a dozen times. Don’t make the mistake of asking, “Are you ready yet?” That will cause her to give you the evil eye. Trust me. You DO NOT WANT the evil eye.  Ask her again and you will hear, “We need to talk!”
3. When a woman says she has nothing to wear, it is not to be taken literally. She has a closet full of clothes. Some still have tags on them. It is your job to remind her of “that black outfit” she wore a couple of weeks ago and how pretty she looked in it. Don’t go venturing into her closet without her there as a tour guide. She will gladly tell you quickly all the reasons why an outfit won’t work for the occasion.
4. 3 things you should never ask a woman: 1. You never ask her about her age. 2. Her weight. 3. What’s for dinner? While you probably got the first two pretty quickly, let me explain the last one to you. If you come home from work and you don’t smell something good coming from the oven, there are two questions that are acceptable to your wife. 1. Would you like me to cook for you tonight? Or, 2. How about I take you out for dinner tonight? Anything other than that is going to open a can of worms, and who wants THAT for dinner?
5. The one thing that every woman wants is………….drumroll please…………money! You might be saying security, but how do you have security without money? If you want your wife to be happy, you better have a job and make more than enough to pay the bills.  Don’t expect her to make up the difference. If she works, that is her decision and has nothing to do with your responsibility to take care of her. Yes, love is pretty high on the list too, but how do you show a woman you love her? Money! Ok, seriously, you need to learn her love language (in addition to having a job and making more than enough money). Once you know her love language, you will be able to show her love in ways that are meaningful to her. There really is such a thing. Google it.

Answer Key For Questions About Men

1. When you ask a man, “What are you thinking?” and he says, “Nothing,” he really isn’t thinking anything. Let it GO! Men don’t think a lot of the time. You do realize that, don’t you?
2. You can ask a man to do something once or twice, but beyond that you are crossing the line into nagging. You need to find a different way to get him to see it as something important. I am not suggesting manipulating, but you can think of some creative ways to help him see the light. Pecan pie works for me.
3. I don’t care if you won the lottery, give the man some space. When he walks through the door he needs time to unwind. That is why so many men go to their “man-caves.” They just need to do something mindless for a while before their brains can engage in any meaningful conversation. I realize you have to get out your 50,000 words before the sun goes down, but you might want to consider sharing the news with your best friend or your Mom first. Either that or get a dog. Give him some space and you will see him much more attentive. I hate to say it, but there are some similarities to training your dog. Be sure to ooosh over them when they do something right, like put the toilet seat down or remember to take out the trash. Do it and watch the grin that comes to their face. They did something right!  LOL.
4. The 3 things you should never ask a man are a little more subtle than the ones for a woman: 1. “Do you know how to get there?” That is irrelevant. He WILL get there and does not need you to tell him every turn to make….unless you were going to Washington and find yourself in Florida. In that case, you need to speak up sooner than later. 2. “Can you fix this?” Of course he can. Men are wired to fix things. The real question is, “Can you fix this correctly?” That question will make him at least think before he responds. 3. “Are you listening to me?” A man can be looking you right in the eyes and be thinking about going fishing on Saturday. Sorry ladies, but men have great difficulty with listening. Our minds are constantly thinking about other things of great importance like fishing or checking out the new cars online. We do care about what you are saying. We just need you to help us redirect our thoughts periodically. You can resort to the frying pan method, but that is not as socially acceptable as it was 50 years ago.
5. I bet most women will get this wrong, because they think that men only think about one thing. While that one thing is quite important to men, it is not the most important thing. Every man needs respect. Some people argue that respect has to be earned. I don’t think so. I think it is something we should give to someone regardless of whether they deserve it or not. Giving respect to a man is part of validating who he is. It is a bigger deal than most men like to admit and something that every man needs. Try it and you will see what I mean. Try NOT doing it and you will see what I mean too. LOL.

So, how did you do? I hope you made a perfect score. If you didn’t, guess what? No problem; you get to take the test again!  You will keep taking it till you pass. Might as well pass the first time, right?

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

There is a crisis in the world of education that seems to be growing. Kids are promoting from grade to grade without mastering the 3Rs…Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic. The feedback I have received from people around the world indicates this is not a problem isolated to the USA. It is worldwide and pervasive.

There is incredible pressure in the US to graduate a certain percentage of students to the next grade level every year. Your job may depend on it. After all, if kids are not learning, it has to be the teacher’s fault, right? Well, that is a partial truth. Every teacher has to take responsibility for the students entrusted to them. However, some things are beyond a teacher’s control.

You have no control over:

• Kids who are promoted to your grade that should have been held back.
• Kids who have emotional or mental disabilities and have not been diagnosed yet.
• Parents who refuse to do their part.
• Administration that insists on a quota system and does not support the teachers.

It is obviously very frustrating for anyone trying to teach with the deck stacked against them. It is not just frustrating, but is one of the primary factors for teacher burnout. I wish I knew who actually came up with the 3Rs. They were brilliant beyond their years. They understood that there is a basic foundation for teaching that has to be in place for learning to occur. Think of it as the 3 legged stool. If you don’t have one of the legs, you are going to fall, right?

If you can’t read, how do you comprehend written instructions? If you can’t write, how do you communicate with others in writing? If you can’t do simple math, how do you create a budget, understand when someone is cheating you financially, or even hold a job? These 3 basic cornerstones are critical to our health, welfare, and future.

Here is my simple wish list:

• That every child master the 3Rs before they are graduated to the next grade level.
• That every child be required to memorize the basic math tables before graduating to the next level. (Obviously this is grade specific. By 3rd grade they should have memorized the tables.)

Why would we want to promote a child to the next level if they have not mastered the basics? It is sad, but it happens every day. If we are doing the right thing as educators, we will make sure that every child gets what they need to succeed, but if they don’t, we have to be willing to hold them back till they are ready. Better they be held back as a child than to be held back or fail as an adult.

I realize this is a delicate subject and nobody wants to humiliate a child by holding them back. The problem is, if we don’t make the tough decisions for them now, those decisions will be made for them when they are grown. The problems do not go away; they compound. I hope we do the right thing for the kids sake and for our future. Shalom!

Dan Skognes

Wants can get you into trouble. There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting something, but when you confuse wants with needs you are headed for some pitfalls. We live in a very materialistic age where it is easy to be consumed with stuff. It seems that we are constantly being bombarded with ads to buy this or that. You can’t be satisfied till you get THIS. Then you get it and say, “What was I thinking???”

Recognize this about wants:

• They tend to be emotional decisions. You want that Mercedes, but you need reliable transportation and can afford only half as much. Be careful about making emotional decisions. Take the emotion out of it and think about the consequences. You may have to live with that decision for many years.
• They are endless. There is always more to be had. Learn to be grateful for what you have and focus more on what is needed vs. what you want.
• Wants and needs can be the same thing. When that is the case, go for it. Just make sure you are being truthful with yourself. You really NEEDED that 75” big screen TV because your eyesight was failing you…right???  LOL.

Advertisers will always play to your emotions. They want to create that hunger in your belly that can only be satisfied with their product. There is nothing wrong with advertisers doing their job. Just understand the game they play.

Relationships also fall prey to the wants vs. needs dilemma. People get into wrong relationships every day because they lose sight of what really matters. It is like the lyrics from the country song, “Looking for love in all the wrong places.”

Here is the contrast:

• We want a mansion; we need a roof over our heads.
• We want to get promoted; we need to do what we were hired to do without complaining.
• We want a lot of money in the bank; we need to start saving, investing, and live within a budget.
• We want a meaningful relationship; we need to learn to give instead of take.
• We want the Cowboys to win the Super Bowl. We NEED the Cowboys to win the Super Bowl. Come on…you know we are due! LOL.

Next time you are making out your wish list of things you want, go through and ask yourself: “What do you really need?” Start with that list and you will have fewer regrets and a lot more peace.

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

What are you worth? How can you put a price on something that is one of a kind? It is an age old question for which people seek to find the answer. Does my life matter? Why am I here? Does what I think and feel really mean anything in the scheme of life?

It is a deep subject and not easily answered in a brief blog, but here are a few thoughts to consider if you have ever had those questions or know someone who is struggling with their identity:

• First and foremost, you have to realize that how you think and feel about yourself may be accurate, but it also could be distorted depending on your life circumstances and your own mental health. Nobody on this planet has had your life. They may have had similar circumstances and can “relate” to how you think and feel, but nobody has truly walked in your shoes. You are unique. Even identical twins are unique because of genetics and circumstances they each experience differently. So my point here is to value the fact that you are unique. There is a reason you are here. You have something to do that nobody else can do like you would.
• When you question what your purpose is, that is both simple and complex. It is simple in that everyone has a purpose. It is complex in that you and only you can really determine what that purpose is. I, being a Christian, believe that God has created each of us for a “divine” purpose. When my will aligns with God’s will, the pieces start to fall into place like a jigsaw puzzle. It may take a while to see the big picture, but eventually you understand the “what.” You may never understand the “why” of life, but the “what” CAN and needs to be found.

I use the Bible and God’s Holy Spirit to guide me in what I do. I realize not everyone shares my faith, but I am simply sharing with you what I have found. I believe God created me with various gifts. I have been told that I am outgoing and creative. I do love to be around people. I love to laugh and I find pleasure in the simple things of life. I discovered my passion for writing in 10^th grade and have not stopped writing since. This is definitely part of my purpose…to instill salt and light in a world that is perishing by encouraging and inspiring people with my words. I just try to do my part and let God use my gifts as He sees fit.

Everyone has a purpose. It is up to each of us to discover what that is, then pursue it with all that we have. It is when we walk in our purpose that our steps have true significance. I hope and pray that you take the first step in discovering who you are and why you are here.

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

The term “Critical Thinking” has almost become trite as it has become one of the most overused buzz-words in education. It is a great thing to teach someone how to think deeper. It is wonderful to see people question the how, where, when, and why something is done in order to get to the true answer. I wish we were all better at this.

However, there is a dark side to critical thinking. This is where someone has to criticize, berate, tear down, minimize, and basically trash the thoughts, aspirations, and accomplishments of others. This type of critical thinking stinks, and yet it seems many people have settled for having a shallow mind instead of deep thinking. Pretty sad, wouldn’t you agree?

It is easy to have a critical attitude when it comes to politics, religion, and relationships. They are all easy targets. It reminds me of the pot-bellied guy sitting in his easy chair watching the ball game and trash talking how the quarterback is a loser…and this guy never played Peewee Football much less in the NFL.

Having a critical attitude seems to be contagious too. Just go into a staff meeting and start spreading a juicy rumor about someone and see how it spreads. People seem to thrive on gossip…and not the good kind.

When you settle for having a critical attitude, you have gone from being a realist to a pessimist. You probably use the excuse that you are just calling it “real.” The problem is that the vile you spew is self-evident. Why do you feel compelled to tear someone else down? It does not make you bigger in the eyes of others; just the opposite. You are only fooling yourself if you believe that lie.

I have come to the conclusion that people do this because of their own insecurities. They feel compelled to tear down others in a sick way so they may somehow feel superior to them in their own mind. Pretty twisted way to think, and yet it is done every day in countries around the world.

Some days my biggest accomplishment is holding my tongue and not saying what I think. You can’t be a deep thinker if you stay in the shallow end of the pool. Let’s aspire to positive critical thinking and learn to elevate others. This is what we need to master as adults and teach the kids. If we are petty people, we are people to pity.

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

Have you ever tried to make your point to someone and get that blank look from them in return? You know the deer in the headlights look? Of course you have; especially if you have kids or have taught school…or you are married. LOL. Getting your point across is tricky because it depends a lot on the receiver being “tuned in” to what you are trying to say. It also gets tricky because it is incumbent on you to deliver a message that they CAN receive.

Once when I was teaching a class of 3^rd graders I had an encounter that drives home this issue. It was a math lesson. Need I say more?  LOL. It seems most of the world is challenged with math. I know I struggled with it as a kid. I will admit I am pretty good with basic math now, but only because I memorized my tables and I have had many years of practice.

On this particular day, we had explained a problem on the board. We have been going over this concept for a week, so this was review. We handed out the tests and told them to start. One child sat there staring at the paper. I went over to him and asked him if he understood the assignment. He nodded yes, so I encouraged him to get busy. A few minutes passed and he is still sitting there…like in a daze. I went over and asked him if he felt OK. He did…so I encouraged him to get to work. When he turned his paper in, he made a 30.

Now, in his defense, the class did not do particularly well on the test, so we re-taught it and had the kids who DID get the concept come to the board and explain how THEY did it. After retaking the test, most improved, but not so much our little friend. He got a 40 this time.

It turns out he can’t read…at least not at 3^rd grade level. This would have been good for us to know, right? When we started doing math problems he would get stuck on words, but did not want to admit he could not read. Wow. My co-teacher and I just shook our heads. How did this kid get promoted to the 3^rd grade? He can’t read, write, or do basic math. He is not a bad kid; just the opposite. He is one of the sweetest kids you can imagine. He is just slow because of his lack of reading skills and his comprehension suffers as a result. Why has he not been diagnosed with a learning disability before now?

We shall see how it is handled by those who make the decisions. My personal opinion is he should stay in 3^rd grade and be given special assistance one on one and in smaller groups with special attention to reading and comprehension. Time will tell how that one plays out. I hope we don’t just promote him to make our numbers look better.

Just this week I went to a coffee shop to get a cup of coffee. It cost $2.87. I gave the high school girl $3 and then reached in my pocket to see what change I had. I had a couple of pennies to get rid of, so I handed them to her. She gave me that deer in the headlight look. She stared at the cash drawer a moment…then reached in and gave me a nickel back. I said, “I think you still owe me a dime.” Her manager happened to be observing and said, “She is still working on doing math in her head.” OK…but why do you put someone who can’t do simple math on a cash register? Why do teachers keep promoting kids who can’t read, can’t write, and can’t do simple math?

Maybe my point is pointless, as I feel like I am trying to change the course of the Titanic by waving at it. I do hope that parents and educators get this point however: If we expect our children to grow up into responsible adults, they have to know the 3Rs at the very least. The more we can get them to read on their own the better off they will be. The more we can get them engaged in class the more they will learn. The more practice they do outside of school, the better prepared they will be to move on to the next grade. Homework may be the best thing for them rather than having them zoned out on their XBOX or roaming the streets with their buddies.

If parents and educators don’t wake up, join up, and help kids grow up, we are going to have a bunch of kids who are dropouts, in trouble with the law, and doing things they have no business doing….like experimenting with drinking, drugs, sex, vandalism, etc. The parents and educators both have a responsibility to do their part. I hope and pray we do for the sake of the kids and our own sanity. Shalom!

Dan Skognes

The Declaration of Independence says that we have a right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Our founding fathers had great wisdom in forging the document that helped make America into the great country it is today, and these are three elements which mattered then and matter now.

The pursuit of happiness, however, has become an obsession to many and has in many instances muddied the waters for those who are seeking real meaning in their lives. Happiness is fluid. It comes and goes. It is subject to circumstances, feelings, and the consequences of decisions we make. The pursuit of happiness never ends.

Here are a few things to remember:

• Happiness is found in the journey, not the destination. If you are one of those who says, “I will be happy when (you fill in the blank),” you will never find what you seek. In fact, you are missing the blessings that are coming your way every day. You simply have to recognize the joy of the journey. There is happiness in the voice of a child, the greeting from your dog when you get home, a call from an old friend, helping out someone stranded on the road, the beauty of a rose, etc. You just have to open your eyes to what is going on around you every day. Quit focusing on that person in the mirror and experience the life that is literally passing you by.
• To find happiness, you have to have a grateful heart. Nobody can truly be happy if they are not thankful for what they have. Learn the secret of contentment. Be content regardless of how much or how little you have. Long term happiness is never found in things, but is found in relationships. Use things. Love God and love people. Never get those confused.
• Happiness is found in giving, not getting. When you give of your time, your talents, your resources, etc., you are investing in others. It never has been all about you or all about me, as much as we would like it to be. Learn to give if you really want to live.
• You can never be fully happy if your heart is filled with hatred, bitterness, resentments, envy, or if you are unforgiving. Forgive those who have wronged you and let go of the chains of the past if you wish to find happiness.
• True happiness is based upon love and peace. When you love God and love people, you begin to understand how to have peace and happiness in the midst of this chaotic world.

I hope and pray that your pursuit of happiness is blessed, and that you find the secret.

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

Let’s face it: losing hurts. Losing may suck, but victory is sweet because of the agony of defeat. If we never lost, we would never truly know the joy of winning. It is in the pain that we gain understanding of who we really are.

Mohammad Ali undoubtedly was one of the greatest athletes of all times…particularly in the boxing world. He knew both the joy of victory and the agony of defeat in and outside of the boxing ring. The thing that made him a champion was that he did not let the defeats keep him down. The defeats became his fuel to keep him focused on his goal of being “The Greatest.”

Whether you are an athlete, a teacher, preacher, businessman, or any other profession, you WILL face defeats from time to time. That’s life. How you handle defeat says more about who you are that just about anything else. Learn to take the defeats as temporary setbacks that will prepare you for what you want to do and propel you to be who you want to be.

Failing at something does not make you a failure unless you throw in the towel and give up on your dream.  Stay in the game. Refocus on what you want and determine what it will take to get there. You may have tried a thousand times and failed, but it just might be the next try that gives you your breakthrough.

You have to believe in yourself and your dreams. If you don’t believe in you, how can you possibly expect anyone else to? I am not talking about conceit. I am talking about a healthy self-confidence and a healthy self-awareness that encompasses your strengths and limitations.

Understand your weaknesses and work on them by all means, but focus on your strengths and maximize them. You can’t be great at everything, but there are probably a few things that you CAN do exceptionally well. Do more of THOSE.

Every loss has a lesson. Learn the lesson or be prepared to retake the test.  Whatever you do, don’t stay down. Seek to be “your greatest.” You may be tired, but you haven’t expired.

Shalom!

Dan Skognes