Right or Wrong

Right or WrongHow many sides does a coin have? One? Two? If that is what you said, you would be wrong. There are three sides to every coin. Most people forget about the edge. The truth is often like that: there is my side, your side, and the truth that is in the middle. Sometimes people get so caught up about being right or wanting to argue that they lose sight of the truth.

You can choose to be right all the time, or you can choose to have relationships. You can’t have it both ways. Sorry if I burst your bubble. Being right for some people is almost a do or die thing…even over petty issues. My question is, “Why?”  What is so important about being “right” that you would sacrifice your relationships? Does that make any sense?

Most issues can be seen from three sides: my side, your side, and the truth that is somewhere in the middle. However, there are some absolute truths that you don’t have to question: Is murder right? Is immorality right? Is being unforgiving right? You were probably with me on the first one for sure. I probably had a few of you questioning what is morally right…but then I had to drop the bomb and talk about forgiveness. That lost a bunch of you because you say: “You don’t know what I went through. You don’t know the things I endured. You don’t know”….and you know what? You are right. I admit it. YOU ARE right. I don’t know any of that.

What I do know is this:

  • If you want relationships in your life that are healthy, you can’t insist on being right all the time. You have to admit when you are wrong…and yes…ask for forgiveness when you offend someone (isn’t that just being an adult?). You have to be willing to admit you were wrong!
  • This is great advice: seek to understand first. We often don’t know what the other person is really thinking or feeling because we don’t ask. We assume…and you know what that gets you. Don’t assume. ASK what they mean. ASK what they think. ASK how they feel.
  • Is it possible for both people to be right and disagree? Yes!  We assume that every disagreement has to end in a win for someone and a loss for the other person. That is not necessarily the case. It is possible that you are both on point, right in your perspective, and correct in your assessment. You just have come at the problem from different points of view. Allow for the possibility that you are BOTH right.
  • I know that some things like religion and politics are hot topics. People are passionate about those things. I remember one time I was selling insurance and I had a couple tell me about global warming. I made the mistake of saying: “You don’t believe in that, do you?” OMG. You would have thought I spat on their baby. Needless to say, I did NOT get the sale and they were deeply offended…although I could make a strong argument why they were wrong.  LOL.

As individuals, families, communities, and countries, we have to learn to communicate and speak our mind without being judgmental of what other people believe. That is easier said than done, but just remember this: every coin has three sides, and BOTH of you could be right.

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

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