Daniel Skognes

Everyone on the planet can be categorized in one of two ways. You are either a giver or a taker. Now before you start arguing that you are both, I agree with you, but everyone tends to be more of one than the other. I would agree that you should have a healthy balance of both. In fact, if you are not balanced, you are dysfunctional.

Givers tend to have these qualities:

• They tend to ask, “How will this affect everyone else?”
• They get true joy in giving to others.
• They are unselfish.
• They are nurturing by nature.
• They have a hard time saying no when asked for help.
• They tend to be listeners and feelers.

Takers also have similar qualities:

• They tend to ask, “What is in in for me?
• Their joy comes from personal accomplishments.
• They are driven and focused.
• They may come across as cold and unfeeling.
• They have a hard time saying yes when asked for help.
• They tend to be talkers and thinkers.

The problem is that to have a truly happy and fulfilling life, you need to have some of both. There are times you need to give and times you need to take. Neither one is inherently evil in and of itself, but if you are too much one way, it is not healthy. If you are too giving, you are seen as a doormat and people will take advantage of your giving nature. If you are too much of a taker, people will resent you and avoid being around you for fear of being taken advantage of.

When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Is it primarily a giver or a taker? Are you balanced in both areas? My challenge to you is that if you are a giver, learn that you have to respect yourself and say no at times; otherwise you become a doormat for the takers. If you are the bull that runs over people, learn that nobody else is going to want to be around you if you trample on them. Learn the art of listening to others and consider their feelings.

I hope you find balance in your life of give and take.

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

This might make you start singing the song by the Doors, but I mean this: People are strange! If you don’t believe me, look in the mirror. Just admit it, we all have our quirks. The quickest way for me to get an eye roll from my wife is to say, “Yeah, I made a mistake once.”  LOL. She is quick to bring me back to reality with, “Once???”

I love to people watch and what better place to watch them than….you guessed it:

Walmart. I go to Walmart several times a week, and I think part of it is to just watch the people. The show begins in the parking lot and continues throughout the shopping experience. I don’t think it is right to make fun of people, but some folks seem to invite it with what they wear in public.

Here are a few things I would like to request that you NOT wear in public:

• Grown women with PINK stamped on the butt of their pants. What are they thinking?
• If we can see your undergarments through your pants or skirt you need to consider wearing a slip or dark clothes. Seriously. If you are a man, please don’t wear a slip. Opt for dark clothes.
• Short-shorts on men. Never a good idea unless you want to get beat up.
• Bermuda shorts on men with over the calf dark socks. (I told my wife if I ever go out like that in public to just shoot me because I lost my mind).
• If body parts are hanging out of your clothing please buy a larger size. You will breathe easier and spare the rest of us the embarrassment of a wardrobe failure.
• PJs are not OK unless you are under 3 years old.

This list could be endless, but common sense has to kick in at some age, doesn’t it? Well, maybe not, but if you go out in public dressed like a clown and you are not a professional clown, you are going to end up on The People of Walmart videos on YouTube. You’ve been warned.

P.S. Flip-flops are OK but don’t make the mistake of calling them thongs. That is what we called them when I was a kid. Now you get a strange look from your family if you ask, “Should I pick up a new pair of thongs while I am out?”  Not good if you are old and carrying a few extra pounds…just saying. LOL.

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

I love sports. For many years I played just about everything you can imagine. I loved to compete both on teams and in individual events. For me, there was always something about leaving it all on the court or field and doing the best I could. Sometimes I won, and sometimes I lost, but how I finished was what really mattered.

Now I am in the 4^th quarter of my life. It does not matter what mistakes or setbacks I have encountered to this point. What matters most now is what do I do with the time I have left on this earth?

Regardless of what quarter you are in, let me encourage you on a few points:

Whether you are in business, sports, you are a home maker, or even if you are retired, the game is not over. As long as you have breath, there is something positive to contribute to your family, your community, your country, and even the world. Try to do something every day that has a positive impact on others. Whether you teach, sell, manage, own, write, collect garbage, deliver, or whatever you do…do it to the best of your ability. Take pride in what you do and be the best at it every day. Trust me when I tell you that people are watching you and how you respond to the stresses of life. You are writing your epitaph with your actions more than your words.

Perhaps you are discouraged with the setbacks you have faced. It might be a failed business, relationships which have gone south, or even health issues which have you sidelined from what you really want to do. Quit asking, “Why me?”  Change your question to, “What now?” Just because you took a detour, don’t let that keep you from reaching your goals. The blessings are in the journey, not the destination. Don’t miss the blessings because of setbacks. Life is always full of setbacks. The things that set you back can be the very things that set you up for your God-given destiny. So, quit grumbling and start looking for the opportunity that is there before you and go for it.

Time and time again I have seen incredible comebacks in the world of sports. Just when you think your team is down, they somehow find the way to come back and win…against all odds. I love that about sports, but I also see the correlation to enduring to the end in life. We can win in life even when the odds are totally stacked against us. We have to learn the power of focus, have faith in ourselves (even if others have lost their faith in us), and then persevere through the storms we face. Find a way to ride out the storm. Set your sails with the wind and keep your eyes on the destination. Even if you feel your boat has sunk and all is lost, hold on to your life preserver and keep swimming. It isn’t over till it’s over. As long as you have breath…there is hope. Never lose sight of that.

Avoid the temptation to have a pity party. Everyone has issues to deal with. Learn the power of helping others with their struggles even when you think your world is spinning out of control. There is something magical about encouraging others in their storm that actually helps calm you in yours. Try it and you will see that what I am suggesting is not crazy….but therapeutic. It works!

I pray that as you read this that you are energized and regardless of what you have faced thus far and what quarter of life you are in that you finish strong.

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

When I was growing up a man’s word meant something. Deals were sealed with a handshake, and it was understood that you would do what you said you would do. Times have changed. Now it is not good enough to give someone your word or shake on a deal. You have contracts that have to be scrutinized by lawyers, it has to be signed, witnessed, and notarized. Agreements these days are written with loopholes and it seems that integrity is no longer the norm. In fact, if you do a handshake deal, you are considered a fool by many.

What happened to integrity? When did it go out with the trash and become something not held in high esteem?  I am not sure I have an answer for that, but I do believe we live in a lawsuit-happy society. You can’t turn on the TV or Radio without hearing a commercial for a lawyer who wants you to sue someone for something. Have you been hit by an 18 wheeler? Have you taken a particular drug and had serious side effects? Have you or someone you know been wronged by your Mama?  OK, I made the last one up….but you get the idea.

I do appreciate what reputable lawyers do for us, but the ambulance chasers give their industry a bad rap. I am sure that the good lawyers roll their eyes just like the rest of us. But, this is not likely to change any time soon. There is too much money to be made in them there hills.

Here are my recommendations in regards to making agreements:

• Be a person of integrity. Don’t go into any agreement with the thought of how you can get out of it. Do everything within your power to keep your word.
• Deal with other people of integrity that you can trust.
• When the time does call for a formal contract, make it good for all parties concerned.

Perhaps this is wishful thinking, but I do believe that we can be people of integrity if our moral compass is not discarded. Let’s make decisions that are for the benefit of all, not just for ourselves. Let’s set the right examples for our children and grandchildren. They are watching closely what we do and how we treat others.

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

I started to title this, What Do You Want On Your Tombstone? But…I knew I would get some funny guy saying Pepperoni, so I went with Remembrance. How do you want to be remembered? What do you want people to say about you and how you affected their lives?

As I have aged it seems the years pass like days. It is kind of scary to think that I am in my 60s! What happened? I blinked and all of a sudden I am an old man! I recall hearing people talk about aging and how fast time went by, but I never paid attention until I got to this age and realized there is not much more time on this earth for me. It makes me think about how I want to be remembered.

One of the coolest ideas I heard of was having a living funeral. It is just like a regular funeral except the person being remembered is alive and well…sitting there with everyone. People get up and say how that person has affected their lives, changed their behaviors or thoughts, impacted their goals, etc. How cool is that? Why do we have to wait for someone to die to tell how much they meant to us?

Since you are still reading this, here is my challenge to you. Consider having a living funeral for someone you love. If you are a Baptist you can bring a cover dish for them. It will make it more real for you. LOL.

I think one of the saddest things we can do is not tell someone we love them or how much they meant to us until it is too late. Even if you don’t want to go to the extent of doing the living funeral…at the very least tell the people you love that you love them. It does not count that you told your spouse you loved him or her when you got married 20 years ago. It needs to be verbalized regularly and actions should accompany the words; otherwise it is just talk.

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

Most educators would agree that normal refers to a standard that most kids fall in to. The problem we face is what is “normal?” What is normal for you is not necessarily normal for me, right? So how do we really know what IS normal?

Rather than debate how to define it, let’s agree that the answers are going to be quite varied for each of us depending on our culture, education, family, experiences, attitudes, and faith. So, if we agree that normal is different for everyone, why do we teach to a norm? Are we trying to fit square pegs into a round hole? Arguably, yes, at least at times.

Here is my challenge to all parents and educators regardless of where you live, what school or schools you have attended, how much money you make, or even what you currently believe. The new normal of teaching is this: When it comes to education and learning, normal has to be individualized or it becomes impotent. Too often we find ourselves teaching to the test and trying to push every child into the mold of what is presented. The problem comes when kids have a learning disability that has not been diagnosed, or worse…misdiagnosed.

The system is broke. STAAR test results have come back here in Texas with news that is disheartening to everyone:

• There has been a drop in the percent of children in Reading, Science, and Social Studies. (I was surprised that Math was not on the list)

• 4^th Graders had dropped to 70% passing!

• 8^th Graders had dropped to 76% passing!

  *These stats were reported on the news this morning ironically as I was writing this blog.

If you are a parent or educator, the alarm bells should be going off in your head. This trend can’t continue and expect us to have any positive outcomes. We are settling for a watered down norm which we expect the majority of kids to pass. The problem comes in continually lowering the bar in order to achieve an arbitrary standard.

I do have not a magic wand to fix the problem. I am simply an educator, a grandfather, and concerned citizen that sees that the hole in the ship is getting bigger and bigger. We can’t continue to pass on struggling kids to the next grade just to get them out of our hair. Lowering the standards is not the answer either. We can’t concentrate on “the test” and forget to teach the basics. We can’t focus on grades and forget that mastery of the subject is necessary. If we have produced illiterate kids, what have we really accomplished?

I am just one voice, but I hope that people in places of power and decision-making wake up and smell the coffee. We have a problem that is not going away. Throwing new programs at it will not fix the underlying issues. We seem to try to put Band-aids over gaping wounds and expect to stop the bleeding. This is the new normal…and there is nothing normal about it.

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

Let’s face it. Math is a foreign language…kind of like Italian, French, or speaking with someone from Arkansas. :o) When someone who is proficient in math is rattling off a problem, those of us who don’t speak the language are looking around like, “Wait, what???”

The funny thing about math is the simplicity of it, and yet it is quite complex if you don’t speak the language. For people in “their right mind” it is one of the most frustrating things to comprehend. I am not sure why some people are wired to get it and the rest of us are at their mercy, but thank God for CPAs, calculators, and Google. That sounds like a line from a Country Western song, doesn’t it? LOL.

The only way I made it through Algebra and Geometry was to get some tutoring. I remember asking the teacher to please help me understand it. Fortunately, he had patience and compassion on me and helped me get through those courses. I never had to take Trig or other advanced math courses, but I do have a soft spot in my heart now when I am trying to teach kids and they give me that deer in the headlights look. I understand how frustrating it can be.

If you teach math, I want to take my hat off, get on one knee, and acknowledge that you are one of the “chosen ones.” Seriously, I wish I had that gift. My advice to kids and parents is that kids have to learn the basics. I am disturbed by the number of kids who don’t even know the basic tables and can’t tell you what 4 x 2 is without writing it down.

If you are a parent with a kid who is math challenged, my advice is pretty simple:

• Get them a tutor or tutor them yourself if you have the ability. Sadly, too many parents these days can’t help their kids because they don’t know how to do it themselves, much less teach their kids how to do it. Perhaps you can learn it together. Just a thought.

• Encourage your child to learn the basic tables. If they can memorize the tables it will help them gain confidence in their own abilities. In our class we make it a fun exercise by dividing up in teams and doing random problems. Boy vs Girls is always a sure-fire way to get them doing their best. LOL. At home you can do flash cards to help them learn. Just have fun with it.

• If you have a child who is highly creative, they probably are in their right mind…no pun intended. Creative people may or may not have the natural ability to speak math. Some do, but many don’t. If your child is right-brained, find out what he or she loves to do and encourage them to explore the gifts that they have. Do they love music? Encourage them to play or sing. Do they love to write? Encourage them to blog, journal, or write a book. Do they love art? Find out what type they love and let them create. You get the idea. One of the greatest things you can give a child is the key to unlocking their gifts. Give them the key, then encourage them to use it. Just don’t forget to teach them the basics of math in the process.

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

If you live long enough, you will face decisions that will have great impact on not only your life, but on others as well. Perhaps it is the decision to get married or stay single, get divorced or get counseling, have a baby or not have one, take a job or take another one, invest in something or not to invest, go to college or just get a job, what to do with your life, etc.

If it is a major decision, there will come a point of no return. In other words, you are all in. You have either made a decision to do something or not do it and changing that decision will be difficult if not impossible. Either way these decisions change your life forever. So, if you are facing a major decision, how do you keep from deciding to do something that could ruin your life?

Well, I wish I could say I have always made the right decisions, but that is not true. I have messed up plenty of times and suffered for it. These tips will hopefully help you to avoid making mistakes that could derail your life:

• Never make a major decision when you are too: too tired, too lonely, too broke, too angry, etc. Extreme situations and feelings will distort reality and cause you to do and say things you would never do or say if you were thinking clearly.
• When faced with a major decision, it is advisable to get counsel from people who have a proven track record, and people who truly care about you. Note: not everyone who loves you gives wise counsel. You have to be discerning even here to accept counsel from someone who is qualified to give it. Get counsel from someone who is an expert in what you are contemplating.
• Learn to think with your head and your heart. When there is disagreement between the two, listen to that voice and postpone the decision. Going against your intuition is like going around a barricade and having your car swept away in a flood. You might survive it, but at what cost?
• Don’t compromise your morals, your integrity, or your vision. When you compromise those it will distort the decisions you make.
• If you are married, you have to consider the feelings of your family and the consequences they will face because of your decision. Put their needs ahead of your own.

The point of no return is the tipping point that impacts the rest of your life. Consider your options, get wise counsel, listen to your own intuition, pray about it, and choose carefully. Remember that once you’ve crossed the line there may or may not be a bridge to return upon. Don’t let fear control your decision making. If you decide to make no decision from fear of the consequences, that has ramifications as well and that could very well be the worst decision.

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

Pride can be a positive thing, like taking pride in your family, or being proud of a worthwhile accomplishment, but I am really focused on the negative definition here as it is so devastating to relationships.

Here are just a few of the negative aspects of pride:

• Proud people tend to take all the credit and none of the blame. Not a good combination for teamwork or any healthy relationship.
• Pride has a tendency to repel people vs attract them. It can be one of the greatest hindrances to long-term relationships that we have to deal with.
• Proud people tend not to listen well to others. It is their way or the highway, so they have a hard time accepting wise counsel.
• Proud people can be bigots, racist, self-absorbed, and narcissistic (nothing good in that list).

You can point out to a prideful person that there is no “I” in teamwork, but they will be quick to point out that there is a “me.”  LOL. That is actually a partial truth. Teams that are able to gel find the ability to put pride aside and contribute their gifts to the team for the greater good of the project at hand.

If you are dealing with a prideful person, here are a few recommendations:

• Don’t feed the beast. They may want you to stroke their ego and tell them how wonderful they are, but that is probably the last thing they actually need. What they need is someone who will speak the truth to them, but speak it in love. You don’t need to humble them. That is not your job nor is it mine. It is our job to be honest with them, but kind in the way we deliver the message. It does not have to be brutal nor humiliating to them.
• If you are caring enough to confront, I suggest it be done in private. Nobody likes being humiliated. Challenging them in public will cause them to bow up, probably not hear a word you are saying, and possibly cause them to retaliate towards you. There is an old adage that comes to mind: “Praise in public; correct in private.”  That is wise counsel.
• Be respectful to them even when you have a great division of opinion. Everyone wants and needs to be heard. Let them know they have been heard and you will be miles ahead on them actually hearing what you are trying to say to them.

There is a proverb that says: “Pride goes before the fall.” That is good for all of us to remember. Let us look in the mirror and ask, “Are we letting pride derail us from the person we should be?” It is best to humble yourself before someone else does it for you, is it not? Shalom!

Dan Skognes